First came the booze. Recognizing the societal perils of alcohol, the United States tried outlawing consumption of the intoxicating beverage with the Volstead Act, an actual amendment to the constitution passed by voters in 1919.

As anyone familiar with this nation’s history, we all know that was a spectacular failure, giving rise to organized crime and bootlegging.

Many believe it was law enforcement’s inability to enforce the unpopular law that caused its repeal in 1933. I would argue there was a second, equally compelling force at play: The Great Depression.

By 1933, we were kneedeep in the worst recession this country has ever experienced. The country needed jobs and the government needed revenue. Enter the alcohol industry and all the jobs, revenue and taxes it would create.

The booze has flowed ever since and I think it’s safe to say will never stop again.

Curiously though, society’s response to alcohol consumption has provided a blueprint other “vices” have used for years to legitimize their businesses.

After alcohol, we had tobacco. There’s no doubt smoking cigarettes is terrible for your health. That’s why that little surgeon general’s warning appears on every box of cigarettes and can of chewing tobacco.

Make no doubt about it: There is no redeeming qualities to using tobacco and for a vast majority of consumers, it will eventually cause serious health complications up to and including death.

So instead of making it illegal, we just tax the living Haedes out of it. The national average is nearly $2 a pack, with Maryland charging the most at $5 a pack. Curiously, Missouri actually has the lowest tax in the nation at 17-cents per pack, less than half of the next lowest at 37-cents in Georgia.

Lotteries were next, sold to voters under the guise of how the extra money would help fund education and make American students the smartest on the planet! Unfortunately, if American students were in fact the smartest on the planet, they would be smart enough to not buy lottery tickets, but that’s a different topic for another day.

About 30 years after the first state and national lotteries were “mainstreamed” the marijuana industry got in on the business. Colorado was the first to jump on the pot train, legalizing it for recreational use in 2012. In the 12 years since, 25 states have legalized all forms of it and in only four, Idaho, Wyoming, Kansas and South Carolina, is it completely illegal.

The old prohibition arguments resurfaced with marijuana as legalization advocates pointed out the inability to enforce the ban while also promising rivers of tax dollars coming in, provided by those with more money than sense … and who happened to like getting high.

Missouri, after approving marijuana a few years ago, has now joined the bandwagon for the next legalized vice: sports gambling.

With the narrow passage (less than 1,000 votes by last count) of Amendment Two, Missourians will join residents of 38 other states that offer sports gambling. What once was reserved for shady “bookies” has become a mainstream business with billions of dollars and of course promises of another river of tax dollars. Curiously, Missouri’s new found fortune will be spent on education.

One would think with all that lottery money we wouldn’t need sports betting, but here we are.

Whether booze, tobacco, gambling or marijuana, funding necessary government services via society’s shortcomings and vices seems like a very unwise approach. While in moderation, these activities may be fine, but far too often, they are abused leading to serious consequences both privately and publicly.

But hey, this where we are at as a society. So let’s fully embrace it and come up with a few more vice-related revenue streams.

Let’s start with one that will be the cash cow of all cash cows: a sugar tax. You think people will pay through the nose for their cigs? That’s nothing compared to how much we value our twinkies, 44 ounce sodas and pretty much everything else we eat ranging from bread to ketchup. It’s all loaded with sugar which leads to obesity, diabetes and cancer.

While we’re on the subject of unhealthy food, let’s go with another 5 percent on fast food. Big Macs, bean burritos and whoppers have the nutritional value of a ground up cigarette, so let’s go after them too.

Next up, let’s take aim at the physically inactive. If you can’t prove you walked a minimum of 30,000 steps in a week … you have to pay a couch-potato tax.

And while we’re at it, if you don’t get regular dental check-ups for those necessary and all-too frequently neglected cleanings, you’re getting taxed too. Same with annual physicals, mammograms and colonoscopies. (We could call that one the pain in the a** tax.)

Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m being ridiculous.

But in a world where we have decided to profit from instead of deterring unhealthy behavior, I don’t think it’s as ridiculous as it once was and that bothers me.

Gregory Orear is the publisher of the Lincoln County Journal, Elsberry Democrat and Troy Free Press. You can reach him it gregorear@linccolncountyjournal. com, assuming he’s not at a casino betting on his beloved Green Bay Packers while smoking a cigarette and drinking a THC-infused Scotch.